ARE ALL CRUISERS RED-NECKS?

Well, Jeff Foxworthy says your a red-neck if you work on your engine in the living-room. Whose engine is not in the living room, or at least, right next to it? Every time we need to change engine oil or do any kind of maintenance on the old Perkins it's up with the $300 wool carpet, move all sorts of stuff into the galley and tie up the cat so he doesn't start exploring the bilges. Recently, the engine started running hotter than usual so I decided to look at the raw water pump. I discovered that two of the impeller vanes were missing and three were torn half-way. The impeller was one of those expensive Nitrile ones and it lasted four years. In fact, it was still doing a good job of cooling the engine and it may have gone another 500 hours. After fixing the pump I decided to also change the engine oil. Over the past 10 years I dreaded changing the engine oil because I had to get the oil good and hot then suck it out with one of those brass Beckson hand pumps. You begin the whole process by first uncoiling the little plastic suction and discharge hoses (which only want to coil) and attach them to the pump body. Next, insert one end into the dipstick hole and the other end into an old oil jug which is used to catch the used oil. Remember to put one foot on the oil jug because the uncoiled discharge hose wants to recoil along with the empty jug. Now, grab the pump with one hand and pull the plunger all the way out and hold it at full stroke. It takes a fare amount of effort to hold the plunger out. There are two ways you know the pump is working, one: the brass pump body gets as hot as the engine oil and two: the pump starts to leak unremovable black oil (into the living room). It takes 15 or so strokes to pull all the oil out of the engine, much of which has dripped down your leg and arm and some of which has magically escaped to other parts of the boat. Then you pull the hose out of the dipstick hole and it flings a few more drops of oil that you don't find until you sit down wearing your clean shorts. Well that was the hard part. Pouring the new oil back in is not nearly as exciting.

When we were in Hawaii earlier this year, I bought one of those vacuum cans where, with just a few easy strokes, you pump a vacuum and the oil dances up the suction hose into the two-gallon pump can while you have a nice cold one. No swearing. No drips. No oil in the living room. Yeah, we might be red-necks, but we're a little cleaner now.